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The 5 worst passengers to have in your car

The Drunk

Twenty minutes ago your car smelled of the pine air freshener the garage thoughtfully hung on your rear-view mirror. Now it smells of kebab and broken dreams.

The Drunk is not only incoherently rambling about how much he loves the girl he met tonight; he’s also looking worryingly queasy. Descending into tears now, you know he’s seconds away from kissing you on the face – or being sick in your glove box.

Being the designated driver is a noble office and deserves recognition in the form of money, cake and decoration by the queen. You’re not going to get any of that, but you can certainly make The Drunk pay tomorrow when you point out that the girl he met was a bouncer called Tyrone.

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Honor Clement-Hayes